"What are they?" a woman asks me, pointing at my children. I still double-take when people ask. The answer, which is so obvious to me, is often a mystery to strangers in the street. Is it her black hair? His tan skin? Their deep brown eyes? What is clear to most people is that they are not completely mine- that is, they don't match my day-glo white skin, my pale blue eyes, my crop of freckles. They aren't 100% clearly Irish/Scottish/Russian, like me. They are different, as people often feel compelled to point out.
Regardless of the fact that I see them simply as my children, there is something mysterious enough about them that people feel the need to ask. I'm sure, most of the time, it is out of simple curiosity. Ancestry and heritage is a fascinating topic. It is something that people bond over, search for and wonder about.
But when people ask, I hesitate. In those few seconds my brain sends up warning signs- Wait! Why are they asking? Are they about to judge or criticize? Usually not. But still, it's possible. And I've seen enough doubt in people's eyes when they get the answer, that the Momma-bear in me wants to throw my body in front of those kids and make sure that it doesn't go beyond a curious or judgmental look.
See, my kids, my little angels, my babies who I gave birth to in the great state of New Hampshire, are first generation American-born on their father's side. Their father, his parents and so forth back through their family tree were not born in this country. Out of that extra bit of caution, I will refrain from saying where exactly they come from because, just in case, I don't want you - whoever you are and whatever you believe - to suddenly think anything less of an 8 year old and a 6 year old.
Let's face it, right now you are imaging that they come from Trump's list of banned countries. And maybe they do. But maybe they don't. And the question is, does that change this story? I would argue that, to some people, it does, especially right now. If I said they were Italian, would you relax? If I said they were Middle Eastern, would you mentally go on guard? Many of you wouldn't. But some would. That's the world we are living in.
The 100%, undeniable reality is that children from those countries are no more likely to grow up to be terrorists than the kids in the "all-American" or "all-white" (or whatever distinction people feel safe with) house down the street. But in the same breath, if my children, and millions of other children in this country suddenly start hearing that people originating from those countries are unwanted or harmful or threatening, imagine the harm that will cause them. Image the self doubt. Image that fear when they hear people on the news shouting for them to go home or go back, when for so many of them, America is home. Regardless of their visa or green card or citizenship status. Image the seeds of pain that will be planted in those young hearts. Hatred breeds hatred, as we know, while kindness is what heals and cures. So we have the choice- plant those seeds of hatred and hope they don't manifest into something worse. Or extend the kindness and generosity that is human nature. And let those things be what we teach our children.
Racism and religious persecution are not new. We do remember that is how American became populated by "whites" and "Christians," right? Escaping religious persecution. How soon we forget. And we've fumbled human rights too many times. Immigrant quotas, Japanese internment camps during WWII, slavery... And every time, the nation eventually comes to their senses and regrets those harmful decisions. Yet here we are again, keeping families apart, telling law-abiding visa holders to go home, calling 5 year old children in airports a "threat" to national security. (On a separate note, good lord, just try to take my child away from me in a foreign airport. I would reach a level of lock-me-up-crazy in moments. God bless the woman who recently had to live through those terrible hours.)
So, just to be clear, except for those who have 100% Native American blood, WE ARE ALL IMMIGRANTS.
Coming back to the small slice of racism that I run into- should I worry when my kids go out with their father or grandparents? Should I be concerned that someone might hear them speak their native language - be it Farsi, or Urdu, or Arabic or Greek - and feel threatened enough to react? Thank goodness those kids don't know any of this yet. But that realization is probably not far off for them. Someday they will innocently tell somewhere where their ancestors came from and that person in their small-minded world will feel it necessary to assume and stereotype and hurt. It's unpreventable when the government, whose purpose it to protect and guide us, makes hatred and anger and racism an accepted governing practice.
What are they? people ask.
They are soccer players.
They are Star Wars fans.
They are a first and third grader.
They are the best readers in their classes.
They are wanna-be scientists and inventors.
They are a Girl Scout and a Boy Scout.
They are awesome knock-knock joke tellers.
They are brilliant and beautiful and imperfect and kind.
They are a niece and a nephew, a grandson and granddaughter, step-kids, friends, classmates, gigglers and teasers, snugglers and pouters. They are human.
I'll refrain from the one label you might be looking for. Because while yes, they are "Americans," that if far from the most important thing about them. They are not any more or any less human or deserving or loved than those people trying to get off airplanes in our country this past week who were met with orders and insults and rejection. They are no more or no less American than the original European settlers who came here and declared this country to be the land of the free. They are no better and no worse because of the color of their skin or their curl of their hair or their ability to understand their grandfather's thick accent. So in this time when the very founding values of this country are being laughed at and disregarded, let's remember who is being hurt the most. Mothers who want to keep their babies safe. Children who want to play and learn and grow. Fathers who know that America could be their only chance at a good life. Students who want the best shot at a good education. Humans. May we all let them in.
