I had an awesomely embarrassing moment not that long ago when, at a school event, another mom approached me to say how devastated her son was that we were moving out of town. And I started crying right there in the school gym (Sorry about that, Rachel!) thinking of 6-year-old broken hearts. She was very sweet and understanding and reiterated how much her son would miss mine. When I left I texted my husband to say, "Turns out someone is having a harder time with the move than we thought....me."
My 9-year-old daughter, Evelyn, hasn't hesitated to tell us how horrible we are for moving her away from the friends and school she has come to love. She can't imagine living without them, going to a new school, having to start over in the social structure of 4th grade this coming fall. And I certainly can't blame her. Three years ago when we moved to our little town, I worked hard to get the kids involved in sports and activities, encouraged their friendship, hosted playdates whenever we could and we slowly began to feel at home. And Evelyn has built a wonderful circle of kids around herself who make up her world. And now I'm taking her away from it.
My 6-year-old son, Roman, has moments of sadness too, but is more excited than his sister about the adventure of moving to a new house. He talks about missing his friends and cried when he realized he wouldn't be signing up for the local library's summer reading program like last year. "All my friends are doing it!!" he wailed, big tears streaming down his face. Ensuring him that our new town will have a program too didn't matter. He knows what he knows and it's hard for him to see beyond that.
But next week, after the last day of school, we will finishing packing up the house and head on out. Both of the kids will be fine, I know. It will be a period of adjustment, but they are friendly and outgoing and brave. I have no doubt that they will fit in wherever they go. But me? I'm less sure.
We are moving back to my home town. I know where everything is. I know the shortcuts. I know the schools. I thought it would all be so easy. All of the focus has been on how the kids will adjust, not on how I will adjust. But I am leaving something behind that is more important than I realized, something that has taken some time to build and is invaluable to me: The Parent Network.
For the first two years that I lived in our current town, I was a single working mom. And without the help of so many other parents, I don't know how I would have survived. Even now, with my new husband in the picture, we often need help. I have had to lean on others to get the kids to and from their activities, to watch over them on field trips, to host playdates and outings, and so much more. It means the world to me that other parents look out for my kids when I can't be there, taking time out of their busy schedules to include us in their plans. And I couldn't be more grateful. I got stuck in traffic coming home the other day and wasn't going to make it in time to pick up Evelyn at soccer. I had six different moms I could call to get her a ride. And now, I will have to start over from scratch in our new town and it's pretty devastating.
We will all adjust. And before long Evelyn and Roman will have new friends and be running around their new school like they've always belonged there and The Parent Network will be regrown over time. But we will also stay connected with those close friends we have found in our little town, and make the trip back to keep those connections alive. Kids are small for such a short, but intense, amount of time and parenting takes more resources than you possibly imagine it will. I'll never forget the moms and dads who stepped in a made a difference for my kids.
To the Parent Network of Merrimac: Thank you for the rides, the pick ups, the birthday parties, the looks of understanding, the love and concern, and all of the support. And thank you, especially, for the ones who shared glasses of wine and the laughter about just how insane parenthood can be. You know who you are.
To the town of Chelmsford: Ready or not....
