A funny thing happens when you have a baby that no one tell you about. You see, a part of your heart breaks off and lives inside of your son or daughter forever. This happens for every kid you have- a piece of your heart lives inside of them while the rest of your heart keeps on going inside of you.
Every day you spend a whole lot of time thinking about those parts of your heart that are walking around without you. And you worry and you wonder and you hope that they have everything they need to be ok, because what could be more important than making sure that your heart is taken care of. When I think about the heart inside of you guys, I wonder: Are they healthy? Are they growing? Are they safe and happy? Are they fed and warm? Are they learning to be kind and smart and respectful? Are they making friends and learning things? Are they exploring and wondering and changing? Are they learning about what goes on in the world (but dear god, not too much too fast - there's a lot of truly frightening stuff out there!)?
I need all three pieces of my heart to live, you see. And it's my number one job to make sure that your pieces are ok. But sometimes I spend so much time and so much effort thinking about the pieces of my heart inside each of you, that I forget sometimes that there is still a whole big piece of heart left inside of me. Sometimes days go by when I forget to take care of it. And so maybe there are days when it's not ok, not safe, not learning and growing, not healthy at all. So then I try a little harder to make sure my piece is good too. I run to make it healthy. And I see my friends to make it laugh. I spend time with your stepdad to make it feel loved. I eat kale and brussels sprouts and protein shakes (all the things you guys hate!) to make it last longer. I work hard at my job to make it smarter.
And lots of times, the things that are good for my piece, are good for your pieces too. Like when we plant seeds in little cups and watch, fascinated, every day to see if they have grown, and then plant them in our garden. Or when we have Starbucks dates and sit in our special corner by the window and talk about our day and lean on each other while we drink our drinks. Or when we cuddle before bed and I kiss your foreheads and look at your faces and can still see what they looked like when you were babies, even though you are big now. And all three pieces of heart are warm and happy and glowing. What you don't know is that while yours then get to rest and sleep, mine stays up to worry about packing your lunches and filling out your soccer registration forms and paying for your Cub Scout membership. And that's ok. Because watching you score a goal, or earn a badge or eat a yummy lunch is good for all of our hearts too.
And there are times when what my heart needs and what your hearts need doesn't quite line up. Like when I need to leave early for work and don't get to wait at the bus stop with you. Or when you'd rather stay home and play video games when I ask you to come shopping with me. We'll find, the older you get, that the pieces of my heart that live inside of each of you will slowly becomes more and more of your own. They will be filled with your own dreams and wishes and worries and thoughts and strength and love. That way, one day, many years from now, if you have kids of your own, your heart will be big enough to share with your own little guys. But my piece will always be there inside of you. And not a day will go by when I don't feel a little bit of everything that you are feeling, good or bad. That's the nice thing about hearts. They can grow and break. They can feel good things and bad things. They can learn and change and share. But they survive. And they are always there, so no matter what, I will be there with you, a part of you. Always.
Thank you for letting me share my heart with you.
