32 had such a nice ring to it. Nothing terrible about 32. But 33? Is that officially mid-30's? I think you could argue it either way. Either way, I turned 33 yesterday- a bright beautiful day in May.
I have felt many things on birthdays of the past, many of them having to do with the frustration of getting older, the feeling of not having accomplished quite enough, the desire to do more and be more. So this year when May 17th rolled around, the question of what to do on that day arose. I gave it a good amount of thought and realized something. Here was a special day meant to celebrate me. But I didn't want parties or fireworks or extravagance. What I wanted was everything I already have. I wanted to be with the people I love. I wanted to see my kids' beautiful faces and hear their little voices singing Happy Birthday to me. I wanted peace and happiness and comfort. I wanted to look around at the sum of my life to this point and know that it is all adding up to something great. And I got all of those things.
I have said in the past, while reflecting on aging, that I'm ok with it because I know that I'm better now than ever. I try to remember that every day. With every day that passes I am the result of every day that has come before- every experience, every mistake, every step forward, every bit of myself that I give to someone else- all equals me today. Sounds crazy-optimistic, I know, and not terribly like me. But I'm trying. And it turns out that state of mind is half the battle.
Thanks for all of the birthday wishes.
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