My daughter
is enamored with the Disney-Pixar movie Brave. In it Merida, a young tomboy princess, rebels
against the restrictive expectations of her mother, the queen. Each has a different vision of how Merida’s
life should best be lived. For Merida it
means adventure, freedom, and thrilling pastimes like horseback riding and
archery. She believes in herself,
recognizes her personal strength and wants to make her own decisions. Queen Elinor envisions a life of service for
her daughter- to the land and people over which their family reigns. That means a strict observance of tradition
and decorum (ie. “A princess doesn’t not place her weapons on the dinner table.”)
and, most specifically, an arranged marriage to the son of a noble lord. Merida and Elinor, after nearly losing each
other in the course of the movie, must smash their strained relationship to
pieces and put it together, motivated by the love they have for one another. Once they each learn to respect those things
that are important to one another, they find a middle ground that works for
both of them.
After
seeing the movie for the 6th or 7th time (or rather,
being close by while the kids watch it) I realized how much respect I have for
both strong female characters and, even more, the mother-daughter relationship
they end up with when the credits roll- something that’s very rare for Disney women. In fact, not only are mother-daughter
relationships scarce, they are almost
non-existent. Think about it-
Cinderella and Snow White? Dead Mom is replaced with evil Step-Mother. Ariel, Belle, Pocahontas, and Jasmine? No mom
to be seen, but daddy is very very important.
Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty? Separated from Mom for 16 or 18 years, and
in Rapunzel’s case, mom is replaced by an evil child-abusing witch who pretends
to be her mother. Mulan and Tiana have
moms but she is a very minor character and their respective movies focus on the
girls’ relationships with their fathers.
It is possible to read the collective
Disney Princess story in a few different ways.
Young woman without a strong mother figure need to find their prince in
order to be happy? Or is it that you don’t
need a mother to live a princess life?
Each princess struggles, even Merida, so it’s not necessarily an easy
answer. But with all that in mind, I’m
glad my daughter has gravitated toward this new movie that examines one of, if not
the, most important relationship in a young woman’s life. In particular she likes a flashback scene
where the queen is holding a very young Merida close, the girl’s head tucked
under Mom’s chin, as lighting flashes outside the castle. In that moment, there is nothing Merida needs
more than the safety of being held by her mother. I likewise get a bit misty when I see that
image. It makes me want to pull her close,
smell her hair and not think about those years when she and I will not be able
to agree on anything. I know they are
coming- I even see flashes of it now.
I have confidence we will survive it. When the movie is done- every time without
fail- my daughter comes to me, pulls me down to her level, looks me in the eye
and wraps her growing arms around my neck.
It makes me think about my grandmothers.
One of whom lost her own mom as a young teenager and had to be mother to
her siblings, the other who survived years of domestic abuse and disappointment
to finally find a happier life. It makes
me think about my mother, who is brave in ways I can’t begin to define and who
still holds me, both in her arms and in her heart, depending on how far apart
we are. It makes me love my daughter’s feistiness,
her unwillingness to accept what she knows is wrong, her ability to be both
stubborn as a rock and flexible as the breeze.
And I know despite the unexpected chaos that life is tuning out to hold that
we will, both together and as individuals, find our own ways to be Brave.
